I HAVE TWO KIDS!
I have one child I gave birth to, I have another child ( actually a teenager ) that I didn’t give birth to. I hear a lot from other moms “you only have one, wait till you have two, three, four, and a van”. They tell me it is hard, but what they don’t think about is I do have two kids. I have a step daughter and son, that is hard. One thing my husband has always told me is he loves the”joys in the struggle.” I have struggled writing this post because it is something that is so personal to me, but I feel like it is something that a lot of other moms can relate to. I wanted to make sure my family was on the same page and I needed to talk to my daughter and make sure she is okay with this post. Kelsey and I work very hard at showing people the real life mom. Sometimes there is another word in front of mom. That word is STEP. Growing up my mom always worked very hard at never using those terms or labels. Today, as an adult I find myself in her shoes, I tell my kids we are all ONE family.
I find now more families are blended than not. This is becoming the social norm, you would think that it would be easier… Right ? You think it would be talked about more, more mom’s support groups or something! Everyone has a different situation so do not get me wrong, this is just my situation. For this first ” Step-mom Struggle” I am just going to get the subject out there. You have to eat to shit … but you don’t want to loose your voice. When you loose your voice you feel as you have lost a sense of caring.
I struggle with asking myself what it takes to be a good mom, let alone with being a good stepmom. What does it take ? Are you stepping on someone’s shoes? Do they love me ? Am I good enough ? It is so hard to think am I capable of doing this. But at the end of the day, YOU ARE ! Your husband married you for a reason. Know that he trusts you to be the best mom you can be.
I know it is easy to shut down when there is someone else yanking on your husbands heart strings. Sit back and know you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t capable, if your husband didn’t have the best interests of the family at heart just like you do. Keep working at it, keep it transparent. We tell our kids the door is always open, but we have to make sure that it is.
I asked G baby what do you think makes me a good step-mom ? She told me your my other mom. I know how difficult it can be to be a stepmom, but look at it like she looks at it. You are still a mom you’re just the other mom. So be that … believe in them, be there for them. Know that it is not going to be rainbows and sunshine all the time. There are times they are going to be dicks just like the kid you spent twelve hours in the delivery room with. As much as you fought to push out that baby fight to push the other baby too. TAKE AWAY THE LABELS !!!! We spend to much time worrying about labeling .. leave it to your clothes or your food labels. ( YES, that was a joke to all of my organic, gluten free, peanut free, dairy free people!) You made a vow to someone and in that vow you promised yourself to his kids as well. They become no longer his, they are yours. You are allowed to give advice, that is your job as a mom. Let them learn a lesson from you.. you have been through some shit too ! Most of all love them unconditionally, I know it is easier said than done. It ain’t easy step mom’n but life isn’t easy ( at least that is what we tell our kids). Just know there is a glass of wine calling your name after you get all your high road mom shit out of the way!